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hmm!Well...
date is set. 3rd of April. Nice. I suppose then its done. Not dealing
with it very well at all. Some kinda flu thing not helping. Really dont
know quite what im going to do. The very idea that she could kill a
child which was planned... infact tried for to excess, so casually, and
without any regard for my input, is beyond my comprehension. Cant begin
to put in words how i feel, besideshugely wronged, by both her and a
system which doesnt allow me to even have a voice. I've seen no doctor
with her, the first time she went to see someone she took her
engagement ring off specifically so as to give the impression that she
was single. Somewhere along the line i'm sure i sho8ld have some kind
of counciling. She's hapy to kill this child. To just remove it. I'm
not! Surely that merits some form consideration. For her to decide, she
can take responsibility and ergo have some form of way of dealing with
this. Me... I have a child i want ripped away from me without so much
as a by your leave. And all im left with is a sense of helplessness. If
i had something tangeable, something i could actually use to justify
this... perhaps i could come to terms with it. But theres nothing.
Seems all the talk of families and marriage were just pretty words.
That sort of thing should not be so easilly dismissed unless it was
never meant in the first place. And not for the first time i've found
myself left with nothing after having given all i had to give to secure
a future. I hate feeling stupid because im not! Yet now i find myself
looking back and the only way i can see how any of this makes sense is
if i have been fed rubbish and lies from the start. Anyway... work beckons.. so i should fly. But before i do.. couple of pics of Jack to be added. He's growing so much. Looks like his mum! March 21 springWorks ok if a
little boring. Tomoz Deb has her final exam to establish babys age, her
status etc. As ever i am not included and therefore am unable to have
input, which in turn means to the world and his wife that i dont give a
damn. If there was a way that i could stop this from happening, i
would. I still cannot handle the transition from wanting us as a
family, a couple and such like, to wanting to finish us, kill our
unborn child, and be able to justify it all while completely cutting me
out.Suspect i never will understand, and thats something im having real
problems dealing with.Seems a crazy situation. 32 on saturday, and will be working it. Doubt i get in the Gifford for it, which is a shame, but if Deb terminates 23/24/25 tis probably best. Not gonna exactly be in mood to celibrate. Such is life. I guess Life goes on, for those who have the choice in the matter, but this will not go away. It will not be forgotten. This is a wrong which is far from just dismissable. What the consequences will be, i do not know. But, 10 years from now, I will still feel as strongly as i do now, and those responsible will still in my eyes be accountable. March 16 serendipityAnd the life plan continues. I walk into a place and within 15 mins they've offered me a job, without me even asking them. So now i have an address, a job, still struggling on the bank account thing but... that'll come. Were Deb to have been true to her promises we could now happilly live together, and watch our child grow while we both worked and lived legally in the family home. Instead i'm going it alone, with her threatening to not even give me the date of termination. Angry? You betcha!
In fairness its nice to have gone out and done what we said was going to happen... with or without her. Supposed i could turn around and look smug if it all works out for me, but thats no real consolation. I owe my sis, and a mate John for backing me up, and the bot's chipped in with support too.. which is nice.
I need clothes.. more specifically socks!! lol. Deb appears to have eaten them, as certainly the fluff from my belly button doesnt constitute that many missing pairs! Spooky!
Jacks in his own single bed... lol Glenda has a bed to herself! Maybe he'll fet a good nights sleep now.. what with the snoring etc lol!! *hides*
Nikita has a trombone.. echos of super trooper will soon resound around telford lol... or whatever that annoying song was martin used to play... lemme at it... lol.
Ok.. work calls... so til next time. Live long and prosper... assuming you get given that option! March 14 In the end it doesnt even matterSo it ends. Deb now deling texts without reading. Seems thats the order of the day. Just get rid of that which is no longer wanted. I wonder about souls. Does what grows inside her have one? Who knows. I guess we'll both have a lifetime to decide. Shame he/she doesnt have that option. March 07 UsThought i'd add
these to remind me of how we were. People change. Who knows whats next.
For myself it appears progress on a personal front, as the bank account
can be worked around finally. On an emotional front.. i'm cabbaged! I
dont know if Deb will go through with the plan to abort, but its still
abundantly clear that i have no say in the matter. So im left in limbo,
again reliant on others. I hate it, but all i can do is look at what
could be and know its possible, and know that if it doesnt come to be,
its not through my lack of trying. March 06 Life Sucks!And so it goes on! Deb is pregnant! And she wants rid. Ever since the ex has shown his face all that we planned has become surplus to requirements. Seems he's killed Deb and i, Jacks bro/sis, Toms bro / sis, and Deb and I's daughter / son! And me? I cant do a thing! She is very forward about the fact that its her body, irrespective of how we'd planned this. I have no say. All that she promised us is being taken away! And i cannot do a thing about it! March 02 Another Month goneWell, seems time now to get a grip! The money stolen from me will be recouped and more besides thru the only course of action available to me. Looks like a place in Telford is on the cards, and me and Deb seem to have only one stumbling block... the ex. The space we will now have should test as to if the relationship will go where we both say we want it to, but will also sort my self esteem and hopefully regain me my identity.
The ex is doing his best to ruin Deb and I, and what that wil boil down to is just how much she wants me. This keyboard is awful so will type no more for now. |
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